A Feast of Friends

I think it was Tom Smith, the trainer of Seabiscuit, who said that you don't have to give up on a
horse just because he may be a little beat up. And Charles Howard, his owner, that said, "when the
little guy doesn't know he's the little guy then he can do some great things, " and not to lose faith just
because he may have lost a few races. Sometimes you gain more by losing than by winning. That
could not have been more accurate in speaking about my life as well.

I was definitely beaten up and had done my share of losing mainly due to my own selfish pride and
ego. I quit my job at Wal-Mart, got a bottle of wine, and went to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead
Man's Chest. I had lost my will to live and didn't enjoy life anymore. Nothing held any meaning to
me any longer and I was unemployed for about 5 months. We even got news that Grandpa Bud had
been diagnosed with lung cancer and was beginning chemo therapy treatments. It never really set
in that it might kill him. I thought that he could beat anything and it seemed like the treatments
were keeping it in check at the time.

I finally got a job at Books-A-Million in Fort Smith. I was used to getting treated like crap and
dealing with politics at Wal-Mart so when these people welcomed me into their lives...I felt
something good for the first time in a long time. There were just like 12 people that worked there
as staff compared to 300 at Wal-Mart. They said please and thank you to me. They told me I did a
good job and I began to trust that they genuinely did care about me. So, I started to come out of my
shell little by little. I can totally connect with Seabiscuit on something like that. You can take the
Thorkin out of the wild but you can't take the wild out of the Thorkin. It took a while but these
people, employees and customers, started to seem like family to me and I cared about them. I took
pride in making them smile and taking them to all the crazy books I had read.

We were the BAM #390 Crew and we relied on each other. One of the times that really stuck out
in my mind was the midnight release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I had never read
the books (and didn't until 2011) but everyone in the store had so Amy, our GM, took us all to see
the movies and got caught up. We had so many games and activities planned and it was a packed
house but everything turned out great. When midnight arrived, I led the way in front of the huge
pallet of books all the way up to the front of the store. I cleared a path and could feel the buzzing
of excitement as we took their tickets and began giving them their books. We were there until
well after 2AM trying to clean everything up but we sat back in the office and talked and told
stories. The Harry Potter crowd was pretty ordinary and left with their books quietly but the
Breaking Dawn crowd (of teenage girls dressed up in prom dresses) trashed the entire place but
it's all good as I was having the time of my life.

It had been a while since grandpa and me had a little talk. We went out into the garden...the place
we spent so much time when I was younger. I would listen to his every word about how his dad
once got a cornhusk go all the way through his hand and had my grandpa cut it out with a pocket
knife. His hands were always so strong and tan from working out in the sun. I even remember a
time when some Jehovah's Witnesses came up on the porch one day. Most people would act like
they weren't home but he fixed them a cup of coffee and talked with them outside. They asked him
if he knew that heaven was really on earth. I will never forget what he told them. He just smiled
peacefully like only he could and responded, "as long as you make it there, does it really matter
where it is?" They just smiled and had to agree.

My grandpa never judged me even though he could have. He would just say you know better than
that and he was right. I did. I once was told that I had to get up early and take him to his chemo
because no one else could and all I could think about was that I had to get up early on my day off
and have to drive all the way to Fort Smith.....but it was later one of the greatest days of my life.
We talked the way there and I got to see him get that thing plugged into him and basically get
poison pumping into him just to kill another pioson inside him. It made him weak and tired and
sickly all the time but he never complained. He smiled and took it like a trooper...like a true man.
He had a silent strength and solid determination about him but he was always smiling. I had lost
my smile for quite a long time. I smiled on the outside but never on the inside. I was going to
need it for what was to come and Grandpa Bud would save me one final time. In his death, he
showed me how life should be lived. He would teach me how to believe in the impossible once again..........and how love truly conquers all.

-Thork

Embracing The Void

I was definitely in a very bad place emotionally. It's hard to describe because I've always had
a good family. My father has such a great heart and my mother was full of fire and brimstone.
We could argue all day long and would be so mad at each other but....if someone ever did
anything to hurt me, she would be the first up in their face. She didn't care if it was man, woman,
or Trolloc. Over the years, I have truly grown to appreciate that. It's hard to see it when you're a
teenager (and many kids don't always have a good relationship with their parents) but they were
always on Team Thorkin from day one. I drove them crazy, made them laugh, and made them cry
but all they've ever wanted for me was happiness. I dearly love to make kids smile! When a little
one comes through my mine at work, I LOVE making their faces light up and seeing them smile
and give me a high five! I truly feel the closest to my true self when I'm doing that and entertaining
the customers. I get that from my father. He has the biggest heart and melts when it comes to
children. I get my temper from my mother. I will pitch a complete fit about things and fight for
what I believe in. My mother is such a strong woman and would float upstream if you told her she
HAD to float downstream. She has such a wild spirit because there is no telling her what she can or
cannot do. She'll prove you wrong or die trying. Oh yeah, my mother is a Maiden of the Spear if
there ever was one. (Wheel of Time reference) LOL! So, now you see what I'm working with, eh?

So, it's difficult to explain to someone how, coming from a position like this, that I would not be
able to connect with people properly. I mean, I can be funny and comforting but not feel able to
accept it when it's given to me. It makes you think maybe something's not right with you or that
maybe something is just not working inside you. I see people around me making friends easily
enough and I'm usually the first one to greet new people at work. I have many friends at work but
when I leave they are just "the people at work" or "the people on Facebook" or "the people on
DM." I don't ever feel that I really connect with a lot of people even nowadays. So, I have to remind
myself by rereading old messages or keeping things people send me so, when I'm down and not
feeling liked by anyone or all alone, I can read them and feel better again. Does that make sense?
I am a chore to be friends with so I want to take a moment to truly think the ones that have not left
me through it all even though I probably avoided or ignored you in some way. It's just me being
an idiot. It's not you. Just give me a swift kick in the ass and I'll come out of it. They know what I'm
saying and thanks for reading, ladies. *winks*

Anyways, speaking of ass kicking and back to the story (because it's nearing completion I promise),
there was one cool moment during this time in my life. It came during some structured sparring
time. My specialty was hand-to-hand combat. I preferred it to be up close and personal. Knives,
swords, daggers, it didn't matter to me if I could have something to hit somebody with. There was a
guy named Erik and rumor had it that he had hit his girlfriend a couple of times. I have always been
taught that it was never okay to EVER put your hands on a woman no matter what she did. So, I
came in one day and walked over to where they kept the lists (of people you were scheduled to spar
with). I noticed that Erik had me in a week from that day. I knew that what I was going to do would
spell trouble in the form of punishment for me but sometimes you have to do what you have to do
in life. Damn the consequences! There is right and there is wrong. Erik didn't know this but I had
no intention of sparring with him that day. I had pretty well decided that I was going to kick his ass
for him. I didn't want to ruin the surprise because I'm sure he didn't tell his girlfriend he was going to
hit her beforehand. Now, Erik wasn't a bad opponent so it wasn't exactly like that dream was going to
be easily obtained. I walked out to greet him and got into my stance. I normally would rush them a
little but I went to one of my places (more on these meditation techniques below) and fed all of my
anger and hate into it. I felt my blood turn cold and everything went silent and was still. Then, I
opened my eyes and motioned for him to come at me.....and then proceeded to administer the
beating of a lifetime on this guy. I didn't have to know where he was was, I could feel it. I just
focused on his energy and felt the wind as he moved. I don't think I remember him even touching
me once. It was just like those nights dancing with the katanas in the moonlight. I just reacted purely
on instinct and actually did something my teachers had been teaching me about. I fought with my
mind and not my body. I think they said I hit him on just about every spot on his body at least a
couple times. I was like water, as the Shaolin Ch'an philosophy teaches. I was there but out of reach. I folded like a stream running through the valley. You can touch water. You can see water. But you can never possess it.

The kendo instructors were pleased but the Shaolin ones were less impressed so, as expected, I got
a beating for that stunt. Actually, I got several after that because they felt I needed to get the anger
beat out of me. They had never met my mother so all they did get out of me was a little blood which
I coughed up on occassion during one of these. It is what it is. I believe it says somewhere in the
Bible that by His stripes we are healed. I grew a lot more respect for Jesus after that. It's all good
though because with every crack of the shinai, I just heard thunder and lightning. Hammer and
weapon. I needed to be tougher. I asked God for wisdom and patience and He was giving me just
what I asked for but just didn't know it yet.

I use a few different methods when focusing. These are the ones I was taught at least. I didn't use
them until later on in life. In the first one, I visualize that I'm standing on an icey lake and the moon
is out. The ice is not thick so I have to be careful where I step and mindful of the weight
distribution. In the center is a blue flame that I feed all my cares, feelings, hurt, pain, and joy into.
The second one is being on the deck of a ship while it's ablaze. It's also sinking so you have to focus
on acting quick and being steady. You have to control your breath due to the smoke. You might
choke. The third is imagining that I'm on a highwire trying to balance from one end to the next.
You have to quit thinking about anything else and just imagine you and the wire....your feet and
breathing. The the final one, which is my favorite and you'll see why, it placing yourself inside
the eye of the hurricane. All your world could be falling down around you and everything can be
blowing out of control but not you as long as you stay inside the eye of the storm. Nothing can
touch you!

I wish I was listening to that back then because, unfortunately, I was still a very lost and lonely
young man. I even further ruined the good name I had previously held by showing up to a
homecoming football game drunk. That really hurt a lot to think I had embarrassed my family that
much and that guilt led me to almost the most cowardly thing of all. They say the darkest times
come just before the sun begins to come up.

-Thork

Dancing With Masks

Humans are very funny creatures. For some reason, we think that for every wrong we've suffered
against us that we must repay likewise in return and then everything will be fine. What we don't
realize is that is the biggest lie we tell ourselves. We hear all the time about "an eye for a eye" and
"don't cross me or there'll be hell to pay." All are versions of the same lie. When we feel pain then we
want someone else to feel it too. Pain is not always being stabbed or closing the door on your hand.
Those things are painful but, most of the time, physical pain is only 20% of it. The rest is the pain we
feel on the inside. The lies we tell ourselves everyday....that we're ugly or that no one wants us.
We tear ourselves up more so here than anywhere else. The next few parts of this story should be evidence of the fact that our greatest enemy is always ourselves.

Needless to say, I was a very heartbroken person. I didn't trust women. I didn't trust men. I closed
myself off to everyone and everything. I moved in with my cousin Josh, and his roommate, Mike
on Kinkeade Avenue in Fort Smith....right next to the college. Telling you about my cousin could
take half a book, so due to the love I have for you all, I will spare you that tale and instead go for
the abbreviated version. He married Lacy, had Madison, then got divorced. At this time, he was seeing Rebecca (whom he would later marry and have Katheryn...then divorced and married again to
Stephanie who had 2 kids of her own....then they had another kid together named Peyton. So, that's
like five kids to take care of and he is always broke). His mother, Tanya (my aunt), kicked him out
of her house and so we were all bunched together.....three single guys right by the campus. Need I
say more? :P

Well, I was a very mad young man and, alcohol was the last thing I needed, so naturally that's the
first thing that I wanted. The other great lie that we tell ourselves is that alcohol can take away our
pains but they come back as soon as the sun comes up. It's only a mask and one could just as soon
pick up one and set down another like changing your clothes. I had been a speaker, a comedian,
a singer, a preacher and a dozen other things. Why not be a drunk for a while?

We also decided to form a rock n' roll band. We named ourselves the River Valley Madmen and
I, once again, played the frontman singing lead and playing the electric guitar, the harmonica,
and the tamberine. I was and still am a HUGE Doors fan so I wanted to be like Jim Morrison. That
was one of our big influences. I did most of the songwriting. I wrote about many things like breaking
away from the pack and doing your own thing. Some of my favorite ones are Oklahoma Highway
Patrol (a real story about when I was given a drunk driving exam by an officer on the side of a long
stretch of empty flat highway), Amish Beauty Queen (a girl I liked that didn't like me back. She
liked some guy with a motorcycle), and Let Me Be Me (about my mother always trying to rule my
life because I wasn't what she expected). We played around the area and on Garrison Avenue where
all the indie bands played right on the riverfront in Fort Smith. I still go there during the season to
hear all the new tunes and catch up with old friends.

The more we played the more I drank. There is something so electric about playing in front of people
and being on stage where people watch your every move. You can almost feel them wanting you to
make them yell and give them excitement. For a moment in time, we feel like you can do anything.
I can see how people get so addicted to that feeling. All of a sudden, you're cool and can do no
wrong. You just have to make them feel good for a short time and then they love you for it. They
throw stuff at you like you're some kind of gladiator or celebrity. I got caught up in that and all the
surroundings that came with it. I drank so much that one night I left the house and went to El Chico's
and that is about as much as I can remember about that night. Later, much later....I was told that
I had made it to Biology class and fell out of my seat. When the teacher came to check on me, I
reportedly said, "I'm just floating in the breeze." I was sent to the hospital to make sure I wasn't
going to get alcohol poisoning.

I wish I could say that was the only little mishap but that would be a lie. I once woke up in an old
gymnasium on campus with an enormous container (like the kind they pour shots with in the bars....
yes, it was THAT big) of whiskey and a piece of insulation from the broken down building they
were renovating. People were playing basketball and I just walked past them on my way out. I'm
sure they were like who is he? I even spent the night in the drunk tank one lonely Saturday night.
Thank goodness I was the only one in there! I didn't sleep the whole night and if someone was to
be put in there with me and they asked what I'm in for....I swore I was going to say for shooting
someone so they'd leave me alone. I was too stupid to realize that they only put drunk idiots in
the drunk tank but I had my plan worked out just in case. I don't know why they put pockets
in jumpsuits because they don't let you keep anything once you're in jail. They even took my
shoelaces so that I wouldn't try to hang myself. I didn't need that. I was more scared of what my
mother would do to me once she came to bail me out.....IF she came to bail me out (She did the
next morning). I didn't get a pillow or a blanket like the other people in the rooms next to me. It
was just me in a horribly ugly orange jumpsuit and concrete all around me. I think I may have passed
out a time or two but, for the most part, I just sat there looking at the door. Every time I saw a
shadow or heard a door, I would think that my parents had come to get me but they didn't. And on
top of it all, this lady in the room next to me was coughing ALL NIGHT LONG! I just wanted to
go over there and put a sock in her mouth. She had to get her mat moved or she needed a drink of
water....GOODNESS! SHUT UP!. LOL! I'm like quit complaining. I didn't even have a mat and
I was so thirsty and you didn't hear me complaining. Jesus lady! (I was slightly stressed but still
maintained by sense of humor) :)

The point I'm trying to make is that I was in a lot of pain and didn't have a way to properly deal with
it. I didn't have anyone I could talk to about it so I just grew more and more angry at myself, at
Jennifer, at her father, at God and everyone. It hurt the most when I would see another couple having so much fun and enjoying each other. I grew bitter and jaded. I wanted to somehow show people that
that they were wrong about me and I was wasn't a mistake. I wanted to prove to them how wrong
they were. So, other than music or alcohol...I devoted myself to martial arts. Now, as a child, I had
taken Tae Kwon Do until reaching a Green Belt. During college, I would stop by the Buddhist
monastery north of Fort Smith and studied Southern Praying Mantis and, my favorite at the time,
Shaolin Ch'an gung fu. There were so many forms and stances, staffs and beatings. I thought it
felt good to be sore and have that outward pain, I figured it may finally match what was happening
inside or, at least, make me forget it for while. It did make me flexible and strong mentally and
physically. Every beating from the teachers and every morning afterwards would become a badge
of honor and courage...just like the Aiel in the Wheel of Time. Without these moments in my life,
I'd never have become Thorkin. I refused to let them see me break. No matter how hard they pushed
me, I wanted more. I asked for  more lessons and stayed over the regular time. I wanted to be the
best. However strong the other people in the class were, I wanted to be stronger. I wanted to punch
harder and I wanted to last longer. They all had a floormat but I refused one. I just was being a
difficult person. I wanted to show them I was better. At least, I mistakely thought so. I was still
hollow inside and nothing could quench that fire.

The one bright thing was that I tried Kendo during this time. The first time I felt a katana, I took a
deep breath. From the moment I held it...it seemed like it was always a part of me. It didn't just
swing through the air....it sang on the wind. I loved how it whooshed when I drew it. Was it possible
to fall in love with a sword? I sure thought so. It was just so natural as I moved around sparring
with the other kendokas. I had the same mentality in that I wanted to be the best. I didn't care
about points or making all the targeted strikes. I wanted to drive them from the space. I cut myself
so many times practising on my own late at night when my roommates where asleep. I would sneak
out into the backyard (what little backyard we had) and I danced. I danced with all these imaginary
foes into the wee hours of the night. The part I loved the most was when the other guys would
bring their girlfriends to class with them. I put on my Men and it was like flipping a switch. I was
not myself. I was a warrior....a faceless warrior with a shintai and a point to prove. I could feel his
nervousness due to her being there. It was always the same. They wanted to impress their girlfriend
so that made them desperate. I had nothing.....not even a floormat. I had no one to impress. I was
better than them...and they knew it. I enjoyed hearing that familiar snap and that quick suck of wind
as he would try to inhale after I struck him again and again....and then I got to watch as his eyes
would look towards his girlfriend as if to apologize. I wanted to show him up in front of her. I had
so much hate inside me. I hated the fact that they didn't work as hard as me but still had a girlfriend.
I hated hearing them argue everyday about who had the hottest girlfriend or how much they spent
on her. I hated watching them kiss and take pictures while I sat quietly in the corner in my place
focused and seathing with anger and hurt. I pretty much hated everything especially myself.

Unfortunately, the story only gets worse before it gets better. More to come soon!

-Thork

Smoke On The Water

Well, so far we've covered that I was a shy little boy who was overweight and cursed with a love
for reading. I was usually the class clown but never taken seriously. I would try all kinds of things
in order to fit in but never really accomplished it. I was surrounded by people but always felt alone.
I would rather read my Social Studies and daydream about ancient Greece or the pyramids in Egypt
as opposed to running around the neighborhood. I did like campfires and going out to my great-aunt
Maxine's house on the Kerr Lock&Dam so I could wade out in the water and swim. I was more
interested in exploring then playing sports but I did it anyways. I liked riding horses and being around animals too. I just felt at home anytime I was outdoors and around nature. For as long as I
can remember, I've always had dreams about rain, snow, thunder, and lightning. I would always be
by streams of water and sometimes there'd even be dragons. I had other dreams, of course, but
these themes were always reoccuring. Being half Norwegian, storms were in my blood and even
my dreams in seemed.

Fast forward to where we left off in the story. Now, I was skinny and popular. I didn't studder anymore and I could out talk just about anyone in a debate thanks to Mr. Fentriss. I even had a girlfriend even though, admittedly, I did not really know what that was. It was a label or a title that I wanted. I think I just wanted to be called someone's boyfriend. I didn't even know what one was supposed to do. But, here I was as one and heading off to college as well as she. Jesse told me that he gave my sister a promise ring while they were still dating so I took it upon myself to pick one out for Jennifer and surprised her while driving through the drive-thru window at the pharmacy. I remember saying something about needing a perscription filled...of a different kind. She loved it and so did the other ladies working with her. The plan was that we would both finish college and I'd be a clinical
Psychologist/preacher and she'd be a Music major. Then, we'd get married. In the meantime, we'd
email and talk on the phone between visits home and everything seemed well planned out.

I remember what I dreamt the morning of September 11, 2001, like it was yesterday. I remember
seeing fire and hearing screams and then I woke up and went downstairs. Laney was standing at
the foot of the stairs. She was holding a toy airplane and looked up at me and said, "Unca Cis,
plane go boom. Plane go boom." I smiled and patted her on the head and thought how cute it was the
crazy things kids say....and then I walked around the corner and watched the second plane hit the
World Trade Center. I stood there and just watched in silence with my mom and niece. I was
still watching shortly after when they fell down and we got reports of the Pentagon being hit and
another plane crashing in a field. The next few hours, I had to take all of the vehicles out to fill
up the tanks with gas and witnessed people throwing rocks at the places for rising the price of
gas while everyone was waiting in line to fill up. The world definitely changed at lot and you knew
that it would never be the same. It should have taught me the results of hate like that going
unchecked for so long. This is what hate can do. It just causes more hate and resentment. I should
have learned that then but that was soon to come.

Jennifer seemed a little more distant in our conversations and hinted that I didn't call her enough
and things just seemed to be changing. I felt that I needed to surprise her and be romantic so I
drove up to Tulsa (where she was going to Oral Roberts), bought some Lady Godiva's chocolate
at the Woodland Hills mall, and went on down to her campus dorms and introduced myself to
the desk. They said excellent and I could probably just go right on up. So, I did. I knocked and
said it was me and, after what seemed like an eternity, she opened the door and wasn't alone. She
had apparently found a new guy friend except he wasn't just a friend. I looked over on the dresser and
there was my class ring (the stuff she had to put on it to wear it due to her finger being so small had
been removed) and now she just wanted to be friends. I took the chocolates, and the ring then left
without saying a word. Her father later made a jape at me during a Bible study class about how
Jennifer had maybe made at least one mistake as he laughed it off. I got up, grabbed my things,
and walked out. The next time I would step inside a church was when they were having my
grandfather's funeral seven years later.

-Thork

Under the San Antonio Moon

Well, before we get to the stuff after graduation, we can't leave out one of the BEST Senior Trips
that anyone could have asked for. This is a link to my old journal about the four day trip to
San Antonio....my home away from home and my favorite vacation spot.

Senior Trip 2001 journal entries

I walked the streets with some of my closest friends growing up and it took me forever to find the
old link to my website back in the day. I remember those days out under that clear hot and
mesmerizing Texas moon. It was Fiesta time and we danced the night away and had some of the
best homemade street food you could imagine. When I looked at the moon those nights, many
things went through my mind. The RiverWalk has a bridge (where they filmed Jennifer Lopez as
she played the Tejano music superstar Selena talking to her future husband in the movie) and I
spent a little while one night looking at that moon and my reflection in the water below. I just
thought the future had so much promise and that I was going to do good things and make something
of myself. The only world I knew was Gans and the friends that I'd spent the majority of my entire
life growing up with...and that would be ending soon. Everything I thought would always be there
was going to change. What did college hold for me? Would I know anybody? Would I ever be as
close to my other classmates as I was with the previous ones? Would I ever make any new friends
at all?

All of these thoughts were swimming through my mind. I had been accepted into Carl Albert State
College and would be studying Psychology. I have always felt drawn to people who need help or
are hurting. I just wanted to make a difference and do my part.....and, in my heart, I knew that was
what my calling was....people, more specifically people who are in need. I love history, music, and
meteorology but I was meant to help people or so I thought.

My sister Lisa met and married the son of a Pentacostal preacher named Jesse James. His father
was named Frank James. I know! Isn't that awesome? I thought so. I knew this guy was right for
my sister the moment he met my father one evening and was sooooo nervous that he asked my
sister where her piano was (because she plays the piano all the time) and he was sitting right by it!
Jesse is probably my closest real life friend that is a guy. I don't have many close real life friends.
Well, unfortunately, Frank passed away at age 49 due to a hole in his heart but he did get to hold
Laney when she was little but never Landon even though Landon's middle name was chosen to be
William in honor of Jesse's father which is a really cool thing.

Anyways, I'm rambling but the church they went to needed a new pastor. This happened in 1999
and so by the time I was graduating high school, they had found one and Jesse&Lisa stayed there
as worship leaders, and later, leaders of the youth group I joined named Chosen. The new pastor and
his family were pretty cool as much as I knew about them. I finally attended the church there when
Laney was graduating from the nursery class to the Toddlers. I wanted to wish her well and enjoyed
the experience. They do things differently than I was used to but I thought it was cool. It took me
a while figure out that they talk during prayer. At my old church they just selected someone to
pray and everyone else just bowed their heads. Oh well.....when you're in Rome...*smiles*

Something also happened that Sunday. I met the new preacher's daughter Jennifer. I seen her sitting
at the other end of the pew giggling and blushing while talking to these other girls. They would
look at me and burst out laughing like only girls can do while trying to cover their mouths to act like they weren't laughing at all. For a moment, I thought maybe I had a cowlick or something on my face until I met Jennifer's eyes and she smiled. Mustering up some courage, I walked over and introduced myself. She was very tall and had long auburn hair...and blue eyes. I asked her out on a date before I realized what I said but, by that time, she had already said yes. We went to see the first Shrek movie and laughed until our sides split. I almost drove off the road while driving her back to the church due to looking at her while talking. I still hadn't mastered the art of conversing with a lady and properly operating a motor vehicle. It's a lot harder then you'd think turns out. >_<

We made it back in one piece, thanks to Almighty God, and I opened the back of the Jeep so we
could sit and look out onto the night sky at all the stars and we just talked while waiting for her
parents to come pick her up. As I sat there holding her hand, I looked over at her and we had one
of those awkward silent moments.....that seem to be in slow motion or like something from the
Matrix movie. Next thing I knew, I had leaned over and gave her a kiss and she kissed me back.
Then she smiled at me and.....then her father came around the corner and I about had a heart attack!
LOL! I think he did too because he kept saying Jesus a lot but I didn't think that was out of the
ordinary as he was a preacher and all. After I settled down, I realized that he was laughing at me
trying to apologize for kissing his daughter. He said it was just fine but maybe not such a good
idea here at the church and all. Of course, I agreed with that wholeheartedly. Whew! Now THAT
was a close one but I wasn't killed and, apparently, now had my first serious girlfriend. A few
days later, I headed off with my parents on a Las Vegas vacation but not before getting a goodbye
kiss. I even signed our names on the wall of the Grand Canyon. Nothing says romance like writing
her name in stone. :P (The Las Vegas photos are on my Facebook Photos page)

So, I get back and started attending that church on regular basis. They had a youth group named
Chosen and we went on all kinds of trips like up to Eureka Springs to see the Passion play and
even Branson. It made it better that some of us were couples. Jen and me, Brandon and Amber (who
stayed together and are now married with two beautiful kids), and Jimmy and Brandi (Amber's
sister). Eddie (the preacher's son) was there too. He was the drummer of the worship group. Jesse
was good at about everything but Eddie was born to play the drums. The girls would sing backups
and I would sing lead vocals and guitar. Lisa played piano and Jesse played bass. We competed at
many church youth group competitions and won Best Oklahoma State Group for the church but
didn't win at Nationals. Like I said, everything was great. I decided to start training to become a
preacher under Jennifer's father. His son, Eddie, had no desire to carry on the family legecy and
I can't blame him. He wanted to be his own man and be a success on his own right but I started
getting the sense that his father was upset about it. You can't force someone to do something they
don't feel the calling for....Jesse loved his father but didn't want to be a preacher. Jesse found his
niche in singing and leading young people. So, I could see where Eddie was coming from as well.
His father felt differently and really put undo pressure on Eddie after that and, of course,
that drove him farther away. Jennifer, however, could do no wrong in her father's eyes it seemed.
This will be a major factor later but stick with me. I'll get there. Eddie's father would need someone
else to carry on the family tradition and if his true son wouldn't then he'd have to find a new one.
A son-in-law......*thinks of the Emperor Palpatine and his new Apprentice Darth Vader* Oh, and
there was also Joe and Nikki as a couple in the group.

Despite all of those undetones and foreshadowing of things to come, my relationship with Jennifer
was doing great. She was homeschooled all of her life and had never been to a school dance much
less a Prom...so, like the good boyfriend that I was, I decided to remedy that problem. I borrowed
my sister's tiara, CD player, and a burnt copy of the songs (selected by me) from my junior and
senior proms. I even searched around Wal-Mart and pieced together a disco ball (see why I'm
Crafters Lead on DM?..:P) so we could turn down the lights during the slow songs. I had the
youth group and her parents all waiting to take pictures at the church's fellowship hall and then
I went to pick her up from work at the pharmacy. I blindfolded her and led her from the car to the
building while she kept asking questions and I'll never forget the look on her face when I took off
the blindfold and she saw everybody. The parents took "prom pictures" and she won Prom Queen
(yeah, big surprise there but I went all out here..Hehe) then I gave her my class ring. We danced and
she rested her head on my shoulder.  In the pre-911 world, things could not be better or at least I
thought so. I couldn't have been more wrong. The Dark Ages were just around the corner.

-Thork

Fool's Gold

As I was saying, things were at an all-time high for me but it wasn't always that way. I had always
been the weird kid that read a lot. I used to read anything I got my hands on. I would memorize
those old pro wrestling magazines from cover to cover. I watched the television shows and was
a card carrying member of nice things like HeMan, Ghostbusters, Batman, and the Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles. God, I bugged my dad to death so he'd take me the see the live-action movie at the
old Mall Trio at Central Mall and the lines were sooooo long. I had a kindergarten teacher named
Mrs. Woodward and she once filmed my class answering a harmless question like what we wanted to
be when we grew up. Even then, I had to spice things up. Most of the other kids said they wanted to
be lawyers or doctors but I said I wanted to be the ice cream man so that people would always be
smiling when they seen me approaching. :P

I had an uncommon vocabulary thanks to those wonderful wrestling mags. I had a talent for saying
or trying new words to test their reaction. I took an interest in people. I watched them and studied
them but was often too shy to actually talk to them. I took notes on body language and usually tried
to copy what I thought worked. I had one girlfriend way back in kindergarten named Megan. She
made me and some guy named Calvin Bailey her co-boyfriends mainly because she didn't have a
mat for sleeping time so I lent her mine. Calvin wound up stealing my Hulk Hogan video game and
she eventually moved away.

Throughout my life, I have always struggled with my weight. I was always husky and having
glasses didn't help either. It's important that you understand that due to me eventually overcoming
it later.

I had a great relationship with my grandfather. Grandma always said I was her's until he stole me
away when he found out I could sing and play instruments. I would stay with them during the
summers due to my parents working all the time. I would hunt crawdeads with Grannie and hang
out with Papa Bud in the garden. He grew up with such a large family so gardening was just
something he loved. He was different. I was used to being yelled at by people but he never raised
his voice to me....never. He would just look at me a certain way or say my name in a noticable
way. When someone tries to tell me what to do, I push back. I don't like being forced to do
something. I get that from my lovely mother. LOL. I have always been wild by nature and would
fight you tooth and nail with an iron will until I got my way. I was such a brat. 

Papa Bud never tried to force me to do anything. I just wanted to make him proud. It was the only
thing I wanted for a long time until my pride took me away from him later on. Fast Forward back to
my senior year in high school. I thought I knew everything and he was just stuck in the old ways of
doing things. It started around this time but really kicked in during the dark times I'll tell you about
very soon. Papa became less and less a factor in my life. I would find little time in my soooo
important schedule for him. I would later rob myself of some of the last years of his life and I did it
all to myself. Years cannot be brought back. Once they are gone, they are gone. That is a lesson I
just couldn't understand at that time. That is why it's so important to me to tell so many people about
him now as I feel that I owe him that much at least....for what I would put him and my whole family
through in the years to come. Oh, but there is light down that tunnel. Papa saved me in the end as
you will see. He keeps saving me everyday.

The only thing I was missing now in my newfound life was a girlfriend. I had finally done it. I had
become popular and funny. People laughed and thought I was handsome. I just needed a girlfriend
to complete the whole picture. I was still overweight so, after my junior year, I went on a crash
diet and lost 54 lbs in 2 and a half months. I was determined to do anything in my power to get
a girlfriend. I took Tae-Bo, I went to Subway, and I ran all day long. I would lock myself in my
room and practise dancing and memorizing Michael Jackson videos....MC Hammer...Dirty Dancing..
....anything so I would be sexy and smooth to win the girl. When I showed back up for senior year,
everyone thought I must have been on meth but it was just my belief that I could do anything I set my mind to. Yep, I warned you that I was a weirdo. *nods* All of this is the absolute truth. Everything I touched seem to turn to gold....but I would later find out it was just fool's gold. Oh, and the girl I was aiming at laughed in my face when I asked her to dance. I learned a painful lesson. The lesson was that sometimes there is nothing you can do to make people like you. You can do everything right but still be horribly wrong. Nothing is for certain in this life. I think that's enough for now. I feel that the stage is set for the big fall.

Hug your loves ones tonight. Don't go to sleep without telling them you love them.


-Thork

Real Life Skywalker

I have never really spoken much about my high school years other than I was
Prom King and wanted to be a preacher. So, allow me to elaborate if you will. I still hold the
record for consecutive days of noon detention at Gans Public Schools thanks to my sister's
former basketball coach, Mr. Ellis, taking a liking to me. I would just keep talking and he'd
keep adding days all the while saying that he makes $70, 000 a year just to put people like me
in detention at "High Noon, son. Be in here at High Noon." LOL! He just liked doing that as he
really liked my family.....and, truth be told, he never actually made me serve all my time or I'd
probably still be there.

Anyways, junior high was mainly school dances filled with awkwardness and confusion. This is
where I first noticed that I was depressed but I didn't know what to call it. This lasted for a while
up until 10th grade. I remember being in a car listening to Back in Black by AC/DC when I first
became a Christian out of nowhere. I just had a moment I guess and asked Jesus into my life. Later
that summer, I went to the church camp at Falls Creek and had a blast. I remember kitchen duty and
trying to climb the mountain where they had erected three crosses so I could take pictures.

When I came back to school, I started a branch of Youth Alive on campus and every weekday
morning, before school began, I would stand in an empty classroom and try to preach the Gospel
or host guest speakers for the attendees. It started slowly but, over the final months of that year,
we went from 3 people to 16. We elected officers and I build a website. I applied for a received
an official charter for the group. I was so excited.  We even went to Shake the Nations in Oklahoma
City to hear Reggie Dabbs speak and witnessed so many young people having so much fun. There
was a monster pizza party afterwards where I noticed that some kids were just there because they
had no where else to go and didn't really care to be there. At the time that I graduated from Gans,
Youth Alive had a roll call of 54 students and several teachers. That's not because of me but
because there was a place to hang out now and maybe learn something before school.

The next year, I began classes at Indian Capital Vo-Tech during the afternoons because I already
had all my requirements to graduate high school. I took Business and Computer Technology and
served as the Reporter for our chapter of the Future Business Leaders of America. I was really into
offices back then. I was also the Vice President of the Spanish Club, President and founder of the
Gans Young Republicans Club (I also founded the Young Democrats Club but wasn't President
because I wasn't a Democrat but wanted them to have their own group). I was even voted to the
Who's Who of American Students. I ran for and won Vice President of  the Student Council and,
upon hearing my speech, the soon-to-be Student Council President exclaimed that he would, "try to
assist the Vice President as much as possible," to a fit of laughter and applause. I thought I had the
world at my fingertips and the future was mine. I was idealistic. I would later lose it all and the
good name as well. Oh, and I won Student Council President my senior year and was "knighted"
at my graduation by Harrison Fentriss (one of the teachers of Vo-Tech who drove the bus to Vo-Tech
every weekday at noon. He taught me everything I know about debating and public speaking. He
forced me to face my fear and to always question things. He said never listen to the media and form
your opinions on someone on a case-by-case basis. You can never know why a man does the things
he does....you can't see into his heart so do not judge him. God, I wish I would have listened to his
teachings in the time to come..) and awarded the Sword of Ehud (a Hebrew judge that slew the King
of Moab to once again free Israel from heathen rulers...). It's exactly a cubit's length and double
edged just like in the Scriptures. He made it and fashioned an elk's horn as the hande. He was
knighted in Scotland and was a member of Clan Coleman. I'm a member of Clan Macfarlane through
my mother's side of the family.

 I was chosen by my classmates, whom I had grown up with, to speak at our Baccalaureate that
senior year and I spoke about many things. Among them were gifts, storms clouds on the horizon,
and the knowledge that the sun would still be shining in the morning after the storms had gone. I
can't believe how prophetic that turned out to be for me most of all. I would fall....oh Lord how I
would fall in the years to come. I have learned that it's not the fall that makes a man but the climb
back up. Many don't make it back up. I can sense that the new day has begun and I can feel the sun
rising once again though. I was given a standing ovation at graduation and, as I requested,
received my diploma last so I could see all of my friends graduate with my very own eyes before
making that long walk across the stage myself. It was one of my happiest moments...one that I
would replay in my mind over and over again during the dark times to come.

I feel much like Anakin Skywalker during this time. Young, idealistic, ambitious, well spoken,
confused, full of himself and his talents, narrow-minded, holier-than-thou, ruled by my emotions,
and headed for a fall like no one's business. I had such a sense of entitlement and knew I would be
able to just sweep in and make everyone's day. Pride cometh before a fall and boy did it. I'll have
to speak of that another day though. Darth Thorkin will have to wait. :P

-Thork

He wasn't a horse, He was Secretariat

Well, this has been an okay day. I went to Abuelos in Tulsa and mainly just relaxed and awaited
the election results to come in. My brother-in-law, Jesse James, was running for the School Board
and he won so he will be there another 5 years to watch over Laney and little Landon as they grow
up. I'm hoping he will be watching over my kids as well....IF I ever do have any. I have my moments
of doubt to be sure but I'm always reminded of the possibilities out there in life if you just look
around. If you can believe. People nowadays don't believe in anything anymore. I used to be that
way until my grandfather flipped that light back on for me and took away all that darkness. It just
took a few more years for it all to come to fruition or for the seed to finally blossom that was
planted that day I held his hand as he passed away.

I know the kind of person that I am. I know the kind of person I was. All that is well and good with
my soul. Now, it's time to start being the person that I know I can be. Time to leave what's in the past
where it is and not be caught up in the forests of the present but to look at the big picture. I will not
give up. I will stand ready and do things the right way.

I have learned so many things since grandpa died. I learned that, sometimes, you can go home
again. I learned that death truly has no sting in the face of love. My grandfather has been gone
for almost 4 years and yet his life and words live just as strongely as ever before. He told me
that love is stronger than hate. Belief is stronger than doubt. And that it's better to have faith in
something then to seek refirmation or evidence around every corner. Sometimes, the impossible
is just what people need to see in their lives.

I'd like to talk about that for a moment if I may. Maybe it is just more pronounced due to us
living in this age of social networking but this generation has lost faith in everything. What is
life without it? We, as a society, have been beaten down so much that we never consider the
possibilities of miracles or silly stuff like magic. I'm not saying to break out a spellbook. The
kind of magic I'm talking about is the look on a child's face when you hand them their candy
after scanning it in the checkout line. They just light up and can't stop smiling at you because you
did something nice for them. Being that it's Valentine's Day, what about that feeling you get when
your sweetheart spontaniously kisses you while it's snowing or standing out in the rain? That's
the kind of magic I'm talking about.

What about innocense? Isn't having that magic? What about coming back to it after 10 long years
of being lost and jaded? That's my story. Can someone find their innocense again? I think they
can. Now, that is truly a miracle. I was as niave and innocent as any good Santa Claus-fearing,
Tooth Fiary-hunting young child once. I was so idealistic and wanted to change the world. I was
being trained to be a preacher when my whole world came apart and I lost that little boy somewhere
along the way. I found alcohol and hate instead. I was so angry inside and mad at the world. I thought
that God had something against me or something. I was even mad at Him for not giving me the
only thing I ever asked for....a wife and a family. I didn't want riches or money or fame...just a
wife to come home to  and kids to play with.

What I didn't understand that was He was simply answering my prayers and forging something he
could use..a weapon if you will against the same hate I was feeling and probably many others were
to. I felt every swing of His hammer and every lick of the fire as he would cast me back in to melt.
Oh, and the cooling waters that would strengthen my resolve. Looking back now, I can see where
I wasn't even close to being ready. Now, I feel the strongest I've ever been. I will not break nor will
I bend. I will stand resolute in the face of the challenges that lie ahead. Like I said, death has lost
it's sting. I fear it not. I will greet it as an old friend when that time comes. I seek to be the shoulder
people run to for support and protection. I will not accept anything but victory.

Hope is such a funny thing. There appears to be none until one person decides to take one step...
a leap of faith and then people start having hope and believing again. I have found that people say
they don't need anything to believe in but themselves but I view that as a lie...one we all are guilty
of telling ourselves. The reality is that be can't do things on our own. We need other people in our
lives or we will always fall short. Too many times, we have placed people on podiums. That will
always fail. The only way things last in this world is by movements. People need something to get
behind. Something that brings both acceptance and freedom. I have spent all my life studying
people and trends. There are two true movements in this world. Hate and Love. Fire and Ice. George
R. R. Martin has the BEST title for his series. :P If you give people something that restores their
hope, their beliefs, and their innocense then they will follow you. They don't follow titles but
movements. So, by example, when a horse like Secretariat wins the Triple Crown, people see
something with greatness, of glory, or something divine they had lost faith in and they cling to it.
That image they hold in their minds is undeniable and irreplaceable. They hold onto to pictures of
the event or moment like holy relics because it sybolises a dream for them. A dream of something
better than themselves. A dream that lifts them from their circumstances and gives them hope.
That's the reason people still talk about the 1972 Miami Dolphins or Hannibal Barca against the
Romans or even the Spartans of Greece facing the mighty Persian fleet. It's holy to them and
cannot be blemmished from their mental images. Let's all work to create something like this.
Let's do something greater than ourselves. Give back to the world today. The future is uncertain
and the end is always near.

My grandfather would be my relic. He makes me better than I would ordinarily be. He was just
an ordinary farmer and easygoing person but it's what he represents to me that makes the
difference. And, we all learned in Salem's Lot that it's not the cross but the belief in it that kills
the vampire. :) I uplift those around me and I build bridges. That's what I do.

I will never give up. I'm just like Secretariat and my best races are just ahead of me. Let the journey
begin.

-Thork

Spears and Hearts

Well, Lauren liked her Valentine's Day gifts but I haven't got to talk with her since then so I
hope she is well. Life is busy, the future is uncertain, and the end is always near. :P I had to borrow
that from Jim Morrison but it is still true. Lots of things were going down this week but in a
good way. This has been such a great week.

I'm going to be doing a lot of collecting this year. I need the 3 Creepshow movies, and the
the Tales from the Darkside movie to complete that one. Next is going to be Tales from the
Crypt along with all of the old EC comic books like Vault of Horror, etc. I really enjoy doing that.
I need to finish my other DVD collections too. I just started on Family Matters (which I watch every
day) and Full House, Perfect Strangers, and Roseanne. I loved all of those shows and want to have
them all to myself.

I have been watching a few new shows that I really like. South Beach Tow, Operation Repo, and
just about anything on A&E. People are fascinationing and I enjoy relaxing by watching everyday
life.

Mashilove has gotten me to download WhatsApp for my phone. She's another one that has
really returned and been such a huge influence on my life. She is just so full of life (even
dancing out in the rain in her last blog) and has a great heart. I enjoy the times I get to bug her.
She makes anything seem more entertaining due to all the positive energy and outlook on life.
And I could never do what she does on a daily or nightly basis. She's a very strong lady and I'm
deeply honored to be her friend.

I auditioned for being a pet of a Sitter of the Red Ajah and did alright. I didn't not win..yet..but
there are still two Sitters left to make their choice. *bounces* It's been a LOT of fun. That little
Nya is adorbale so swords cannot compete with complete and total cuteness. Just can't happen
I tell ya. :P

I have 2 crushes in the Cupid's Spear game but I don't know who has a crush on me so it's very
interesting. I got to dance with a sweetheart though, Thanks Miss Marta. <3 I've been making so
many friends this last week and things are really rolling along quite well. I found a new online
game about stragedy (thanks again Marta) and I recommend it to anyone. It's ERepublik.com so
check it out if you are interested.

I got to have some really heartfelt convos with all of them this week and that makes me happy.
Lily is sick and so I hope she feels better. I got to at least connect with her and make sure she's
okay. Good to hear the whole family is doing good. The only one I need to hear from to make it
all complete is a little gal from Canada. *winks* I very wonderful and warmhearted person....
and she puts up with me so I guess it evens out. *sends love to the great North*

The reading list is so ready. I have my Kindle app on my phone too so let's get to it! I need to
finish Dancing with Dragons, then read the Allow of Law, and finally hit the Silmarillion so I
can get started on the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings (that Lauren bought me as a Christmas gift...
swoons). No, I have never read them before. I've only seen the cartoons and later movies. Later
in the year, that last Wheel of Time book will finally come out called A Memory of Light and
I'm so ready for it!

I will be back with more but this is just a quick update. I will not try to mix alcohol and late
night posting again. >_<

-Thork

Rollercoaster Week

This week has been challenging on many levels. I'm one of the shyest people around
when it comes to dating. In fact, I just don't date at all which is the problem. I don't
really know where I'm going to take them in this small town if, and I do mean IF, I
do muster up the courage to ask one out.

I was fortunate enough to talk to a really great friend about it earlier this week and she
helped out a lot. We got a few new ladies hired for seasonal and so, naturally, I will get
my hopes up that A) They are single and B) How to go about asking her out. One of them,
Kaetlynn, and the Head Cashier already went out on a date and the next thing you know their
FB status quickly changed to "in a relationship," so that means it's official in today's society.

Wow! That is just crazy! It's amazing how quick it works for other people. I guess if you
know then you know but that is just super quick. I usually have stages and I will share them
with you.

1. First, I start to ask around to see if the girl has a boyfriend.
2. If no then I start talking and maybe flirting.
3. Then I start thinking about places I might take her to and how to go about asking her out.
4. By this time someone is already going on a date with them and I have to start all over or
wait until the next crop of seasonal ladies are hired to begin the process all over again.

That is how boring this town is. Everyone is already taken so when singles move in it's like
a herd of water buffaloes heading to a watering hole in the desert. All the single guys and gals
are like that here. I'm not making that up. Ask around. :P My mother is always on me about
getting some more grandkids so I try as I may but I'm extremely crippled by my shyness. It's
not so easy to overcome but it's reaching the point where I'm going to have to take more risks.
That's the advice my friend gave me. I'm going to have to go in guns blazing and see if I can
get out of my comfort zome and make something happen.

Here's another thing. My mom is always fond of saying "if she doesn't have a ring on her finger
then you should steal her away if you have to." I understand what she is trying to say but I'm
determined to do things the right way and I wouldn't want my girlfriend "stolen" like that if it
were me so I don't feel comfortable doing that. Yeah, I know that sounds lame but I must stick
to my guns and do things the way I feel they need to be handled and things should eventually
turn out okay.

I'm happy for Derek as he deserves a good gal, especially since the last one broke up with him
via text messege. Yikes! I'm glad I don't have that on my phone. Like I said, this has been one
of my ever increasing rollercoaster weeks where I'm happy one day and then something will
happen and then I'm depressed for a few days.

I sometimes don't feel acknowledged by one of my friends. I'm sure it's all in my head but
sometimes they say or do things that make me question how much they value our friendship.
It really bothers me because I feel that my contributions to their life have been disregarded
or that their value is not viewed in the same light. That's hard to say because I feel we have
something very special....something worth fighting for. I can't really see my life without this
friend in it somehow yet they can really frustrate me sometimes...but I probably do the same to
them so, for the sake of being fair, I must say that I'm not the easiest person to be friends with.
I can be a pain in the ass.

Everything else is going alright I guess. I checked on the package I sent to Kuwait and it has
been dispatched! I'm so excited as the gal, we'll call her Luni because she is so wacky, has
absolutely NO IDEA that I'm sending her a teddy bear complete with roses and a Valentine's
Day card!!! I usually get to talk to her via skype and MSN when she can. Her laptop really
sucks and disconnects her a lot. She is worried and sad to go back to that big kitty litter box
but will be totally suprised to see what's waiting on her! I just hope she likes it.

I think I have things going in the right direction. I will be making lots of changes this year. 2010
was bad...the whole thing. 2011 was a little better but turned bad in the last few months. I'm
wanting to keep 2012 good but that's going to take work. I think I can do it.

-Thork

Power Foods

Here is my simple philosophy on a cheap way to diet while not having time. Use Power Foods
in every meal. There are 12 of them:


1. Almonds and Other Nuts

Eat them with skins intact.

Superpowers: Building muscle, fighting food cravings

Secret weapons: Protein, monounsaturated fats, vitamin E, folate (in peanuts), fiber, magnesium, phosphorus

Fight against: Obesity, heart disease, muscle loss, cancer

Sidekicks: Pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, avocados

Impostors: Salted or smoked nuts. High sodium spikes blood pressure.

2. Beans and Other Legumes

Including soybeans, chickpeas, pinto beans, navy beans, kidney beans, lima beans.

Superpowers: Building muscle, helping burn fat, regulating digestion

Secret weapons: Fiber, protein, iron, folate

Fight against: Obesity, colon cancer, heart disease, high blood pressure

Sidekicks Lentils, peas, bean dips, hummus, edamame

Impostors: Refried beans, which are high in saturated fats; baked beans, which are high in sugar.

3. Spinach and Other Green Vegetables

Superpowers: Neutralizing free radicals (molecules that accelerate the aging process)

Secret weapons: Vitamins including A, C, and K; folate; beta-carotene; minerals including calcium and magnesium; fiber

Fight against: Cancer, heart disease, stroke, obesity, osteoporosis

Sidekicks: Cruciferous vegetables like broccoli and brussels sprouts; green, yellow, red, and orange vegetables such as asparagus, peppers, and yellow beans

Impostors: None, as long as you don't fry them or smother them in fatty cheese sauces.

4. Dairy Products

Fat-free or low-fat milk, yogurt, cheese, cottage cheese.

Superpowers: Building strong bones, firing up weight loss

Secret weapons: Calcium, vitamins A and B12, riboflavin, phosphorus, potassium

Fight against: Osteoporosis, obesity, high blood pressure, cancer

Sidekicks: None

Impostors: Whole milk, frozen yogurt

5. Instant Oatmeal

Unsweetened, unflavored.

Superpowers: Boosting energy and sex drive, reducing cholesterol, maintaining blood-sugar levels.

Secret weapons: Complex carbohydrates and fiber

Fights against: Heart disease, diabetes, colon cancer, obesity

Sidekicks: High-fiber cereals like All-Bran and Fiber One

Impostors: Sugary cereals

6. Eggs

Superpowers: Building muscle, burning fat

Secret weapons: Protein, vitamins A and B12

Fight against: Obesity

Sidekicks: Egg Beaters, which have fewer calories than eggs and no fat, but just as much of the core nutrients

Impostors: None

7. Turkey and Other Lean Meats

Lean steak, chicken, fish.

Superpowers: Building muscle, improving the immune system

Secret weapons: Protein, iron, zinc, creatine (beef), omega-3 fatty acids (fish), vitamins B6 (chicken and fish) and B12, phosphorus, potassium

Fight against: Obesity, mood disorders, memory loss, heart disease

Sidekicks: Shellfish, Canadian bacon, omega-3 rich flaxseed

Impostors: Sausage, bacon, cured meats, ham, fatty cuts of steak like T-bone and rib eye

8. Peanut Butter

All-natural, sugar-free.

Superpowers: Boosting testosterone, building muscle, burning fat

Secret weapons: Protein, monounsaturated fat, vitamin E, niacin, magnesium

Fights against: Obesity, muscle loss, wrinkles, cardiovascular disease

Sidekicks: Cashew and almond butters

Impostors: Mass-produced sugary and trans fatty peanut butters

9. Olive Oil

Superpowers: Lowering cholesterol, boosting the immune system

Secret weapons: Monounsaturated fat, vitamin E

Fights against: Obesity, cancer, heart disease, high blood pressure

Sidekicks: Canola oil, peanut oil, sesame oil

Impostors: Other vegetable and hydrogenated vegetable oils, trans fatty acids, margarine

10. Whole-Grain Breads and Cereals

Superpowers: Preventing your body from storing fat

Secret weapons: Fiber, protein, thiamin, riboflavin, niacin, vitamin E, calcium, magnesium, potassium, zinc

Fight against: Obesity, cancer, high blood pressure, heart disease

Sidekicks: Brown rice, whole-wheat pretzels, whole-wheat pastas

Impostors: Processed bakery products like white bread, bagels, and doughnuts; breads
labeled wheat instead of whole wheat

11. Extra-Protein (Whey) Powder

Superpowers: Building muscle, burning fat

Secret weapons: Protein, cysteine, glutathione

Fights against: Obesity

Sidekick: Ricotta cheese

Impostor: Soy protein

12. Raspberries and Other Berries

Superpowers: Protecting your heart, enhancing eyesight, improving memory, preventing cravings

Secret weapons: Antioxidants, fiber, vitamin C, tannins (cranberries)

Fight against: Heart disease, cancer, obesity

Sidekicks: Most other fruits, especially apples and grapefruit

Impostors: Sugary jellies

Now, the more of these Power foods contained in your meal, the more they work to make you healthy and lose weight without you doing anything. Exercising helps the process though. This is really good if you work a lot and don't have a lot of free time to workout.

-Thork