Cuendillar

Cuendillar is "an indestructible substance created during the Age of Legends. Any known force used in an attempt to break it is absorbed, making it stronger.

This takes on new meaning after these last few weeks. This year has been a blessing.
and I have grown by leaps and bounds but, since mid-September, I have been put
through the fire once again. That's okay because this time I was ready for it. I expected
it really. I remember that passage I wrote so long ago, at the end of the Storm King poems,
where the enemy would strike out in the one place that had always worked on me before.
He would wait for that moment when all things were going right and then.....he'd strike
the killing blow. This time, just as in the story, he failed. First, let me explain WHY he
failed this time where he'd previously always succeeded.

It's simple really. All those other times, I relied on me and didn't trust anyone. I would
react hatefully and then withdraw myself from everyone close to me and then it would
take months to slowly creep back. But this time, I wasn't alone. I relied on my true friends
and, just like those friends foreseen, I answered with love. You see, one can always answer
Hate with more Hate but there is no answer for Love.

This has only strengthened my resolve and made me stronger. I am like cuendillar with these
people in my life. No matter what you throw my way, I will face it and I will prevail.
Karma always comes back on fake people. You just wait and see. Let them stay in their
negativity and rise above Hate. You'll never out-hate them but, perhaps, you CAN out-love
them.

-Thork

When Two Become One

It's been a long time since I've written but tonight is a good occassion. I feel something
has finally come to pass in my life talked about long ago. I remember some of the
things taught to me in that garden so often in my thoughts. Grandpa used to warn me
that "you must live and fight as one or you will die as two."

I also remember these words again during my times of darkness. I was so hollow and
full or anger and rage then, but apart of me wanted to make people laugh. I felt hurt and wanted
others to understand my pain, and yet also wanted to do something great to validate my
existance. I could always feel that there were two separate forces pulling at me from both
directions inside me. One seeking glory and the other honor. Those words Grandpa told me
before his death was that "no longer will you be undone, for now two hearts shall beat as one."

To be as one......

After suffering my heart breaking, this great divide in me further widened. The side seeking
glory changed and morphed into something quiet different. In the Storm King poems I wrote after
Grandpa died, this side of me was named Xavier. The other side seeking honor was named
Thorkin. Thorkin was driven deep inside me for the longest time and only Xavier manifested
most of the time. I believe this is something all of us have. We all have the same sides to us
but what matters is which side you feed. I chose to feed Xavier and he grew strong and Thorkin
grew weak and quiet. It's what you choose to do that make you who you are not what you can
do.

Anyways, after Grandpa died, Thorkin came back and the Light returned. Now, after several
years of wrestling with everything emotionally and finding outstanding friends to heal me....
I am now one. No more quarreling storms or hazardous realms to conquer. There is now peace
in the mountains and in the valleys.....and love has truly conquored all.

Now, I have the glory of having so many people care about me and I have the honor of making
them proud every day.

Thank you to all of them. My special bondeds and friends. I could never have done it without
you! DM is a magical place.

-Thork

Absolution, Resolution, and the Meaning of Life

The more I pause and look at things, the more I realise that there are many
competing energies or thought philosophies in this world. Among the most
important are, of course, Love and Hate but not much is said for Escapism and
Assimilation.

By that, I mean there are two ways to look at existance. There are those seeking to
"escape" the confines of existance due to witnessing what they feel is a meaningless
life fille with pain and hurt. A good example of that would be the concept of reincarnation.
The idea is to finally end the process of rebirth and death. To remove all of the built up
karma of a multitude of former lives. A person who attains this would, by theory, achieve
nirvana.

Then, there are those who believe that the only true way to achieve peace is by learning
to withstand all of what life throws at them. They do not attempt to avoid it but encourage
every struggle and any obstacle but then prove themselves by the fire. When we learn to
smile through it all and still find peace despite dozens of reasons to not be....then one has
truly fulfilled his/her purpose for being here. Only then can they truly help others to do the same.

At this point, I believe in Assimillation.

-Thork

The Old Grey Ghost

Well nestled in between the ivory coasts
Tucked well away from the mainstream hosts
A sleepy little town offers a midnight toast
And pays homage to the old grey ghost.

It once had a theater and even bank
Men worked in the mill while the manure pile stank
They built a school to teach little ones to think
The times grew merry as soon as the western sun sank
All around the old grey ghost….

Up went a church with a wicked cool bell
Families picked cotton and stored it to sell
Boys would have persimmon fights down by the well
And the grey ghost sat silent with stories to tell

Oh, how Father Time kept changing things up so fast
On came some twisters and houses came down in a blast
An old Cherokee indian stood on a boulder and dared it to pass
He picked up an axe and sliced through it’s mass
In hopes that it would be the last
Storms now go North or South to avoid another clash
All near the old grey ghost……..

Great grand-dad once heard of lights down by the cemetery
We were all shook up because it seemed quite scary
Papa said there was nothing down there and not to be weary
He said it was the ones still live that should fill us with worry
All under the watching eye of the old grey ghost….

Progress brought the interstate and life moved away
The poison ivy took siege and the tracks grew with hay
People were too busy with their new lives to stop and say
“Top of the morning to you, old friend. What is your cargo this fine day?”
The old grey ghost looked solemn and in unending dismay
With neither a person to talk to nor anyone to play

They had forgotten the old grey ghost
The one which sat rusting nestled between the ivory coasts
Shadows and echoes his only friends he was able to boast
And, sadly, the only ones to offer up him a toast

Under the stars and the silvery moon
Let us not forget them because it can surely spell doom
Some towns do wane while others boom
Not keeping the memories can bring it on soon.

-Thork

Imagination and a Weeping Guitar

Picture these images in your minds and tell me what they mean to you:

Imagine....
A darkened room with a crimson double-sided door
Sensations of feeling your way through the void
What treasures are hiden by the night?

Imagine.....
The door opens to fields of lush stawberries and flavoured breezes
Jasmine-scented winds and vast tapestries of colour
Twisting fabrics in Nature's unending splendor

Imagine.....
Worlds spinning
Flowers budding
Blueberries singing
Floating candles
Youngful aromas filling your mind

Imagine.....
Sunflowers dancing
Daffodils scheming
Dogwoods telling their annual stories
Star magnolias playing their tunes

Imagine.....
White hot cinnamon and baths of lavender
Vibrations of sound and houses of plenty
Chakras encircling the shards of glass
Mild pastels under a purple sky
Now....sit down. A layer is being removed.
Things are undone.
You see the ocean with an eagle's keeness

Imagine.....
Soft amber engraved mountain ranges
The shrieking wildlife in the forest gathering
Hopes and expectations, illusions and obligations
All shaking and uniting

Imagine.....
Ever seeking a climatic explanation
The meditation into desolation
Fear
Innocence lost
The knowledge of the forbidden tree

Imagine......
Labels and ponderations
Mothers ridiculing
Fathers frowning

-Thork 

First Becomes Last

It's great to be able to get back into the swing of things. The air smells of springtime and the
dreams smell of lazy summer nights with the windows open. Oh yeah! This will be a good year!

I now have texting capabilities and I'm enjoying the WhatsUp app even though I don't know
half of what I'm doing. LOL! It's just good to have fun with people from other countries and
timezones without having to pay a thing. The first official text message I sent was to my
awesome sister, Mashi. I just have to remember those sleep times are different while she's
working the graveyard shift. :P

I watched Taxi Driver for the first time today and really liked it. It just has a great feel to it as a
movie. I liked the everyday items all throughout the movie such as the classic diners, neon signs,
and authentic atmosphere that the movie projects. It felt gritty and Catcher-and-the-rye ish.

The rest of the day was spent watching the new Green channel which has documentaries and
such all the time. There was tons of Jesus ones too....both the historical figure and the Christ
of Faith. One thing that has always stood out to me about Jesus is that he came from nothing to
be probably the most influential figure in the history of the world and we have nothing on him
but the accounts of others. It has to be the most remarkable story that has ever been told. I mean
that in a positive way of course. Why I say that you ask? Here is my reasoning:

* His father was a widower who was asked to take a wife drastically younger. Joseph had a
previous wife and other children.
* He finds out she is pregnant and freaks out about it. Wouldn't you? Can you blame him for
thinking Mary might have loved a man her own age? Joseph showed great trust in the Lord to
believe the angel Gabriel that his wife was faithful and then to be a father to a child that wasn't
his albiet divinely implanted. Guys have such a pride thing about children being theirs. This
shows great character of the man Joseph in my opinion.
*Jesus was both a popular and common name at the time. Another Jesus would later be turned
loose at the Passover during Jesus' trial before Pontius Pilate years later. His name was Jesus Bar
Abbas (or Jesus Son of God in Hebrew). Those were confusing times. So many Jesuses.
*Joseph and Jesus were both handymen. Most people say carpenters but the word used actually
means workers of all kinds of crafts like stone masonry or other things. They were not specialized
artisans but were good enough to get by.
*They were Galileans and Judeans looked down on them as lower class or peasants.
*Jesus and his family lived in the "projects" or the area of developement for the poorer people.
It was a dangerous area of revolutionaries and shady individuals.

So, you see....everything about Jesus was average. No one could ever see what was coming. They
were looking for some military leader with a lineage that went back to the super soldier King David
or Joshua....and never thought to look for a quiet, articulate, and meek spokesperson for
non-violence and unconditional love. It's just proof that sometimes things are not always in the
packages that you'd expect.

-Thork

Can't Keep a Good Man Down

Well, I bet some of you are wondering where I've been. I went in for a routine procedure on
the 8th. It was supposed to be a 15-30 minute ordeal and it turned into a 4 hr one and a night's
stay at the hospital. I guess I had a hernia and didn't know about it. I remember everything up to
and afterwards but it was definitely a weird feeling when I woke up. They were teasing me before
the surgery acting like they didn't know what I was in for and stuff, so when I woke up and all
this happened I was kinda freaked out. Haha!

I have been resting and haven't been able to write on my laptop due to back pains but I am here
once again. The people at Lowe's have missed me and even some from that DM place. It really
does mean a lot. It's been a long raod back but, for those who know me, it's just another step in
the road. I've fought all my life so this will be no different.

I've been going through another round of that depression I've talked about so it's just been a long
and draining couple of weeks. This will be my year though. No more being #2. No more being
the Best Man. I will perservere and I will overcome. The Promised Land looms just over the
horizon.

-Thork